Mad Updates

Mad Updates

Journal Entry: Thu Jun 19, 2008, 7:47 AM

• Mood: Hope
• Listening to: Stupid GTA San Andreas played by Shane
• Reading: Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs
• Watching: Twin Peaks
• Playing: EQ2
• Eating: nothing
• Drinking: Coffee

Shes growing up

Mad went for her second round of shots recently and though she took the shots much better this time (last time she was inconsolable after. But this time her fever got to 102), her Dr said she was underweight. Or rather, she wasn't gaining at the same rate she had been. Mad has only gained 10 ounces in the last 2 months making her 11lbs, 5 oz (i might add here that Shane and I are short, little people. How can you expect average-above average sized babies from folks who are below average in size??) and though the Dr wasn't too alarmed by that she instructed us to supplement her breast feeding with formula. Which I'm NOT happy about! She didn't talk about ways to improve my milk supply or anything. I already know how to do that, but still. I didn't like that she went straight to formula. When we got to the car Shane wanted to go right to the store and buy formula. I wanted to get my milk up and increase feedings and skip the formula, but after some words, we went and got formula. And some solids. I'm ok with feeding her some solids, but this formula crap sucks!

It took a few days of trying to get Mad to eat formula. She was not impressed. Cant say I blame her, stuff tastes like shit! Smells even worse. Uhg. BUT...Shane has bought me a new breast pump to try (which I hope will be here very soon!) so I can get my supply up and faze out the formula. Mad is still breastfeeding regularly, but I'm producing less milk than I was as shes also eating around 8 ounces of formula and 5 ounces of food a day.

Ive taken to thinking of the formula as medicine. The first week of feeding her that crap I cried through out every day. Giving it to her feels so wrong! And makes me feel broken. The doctors are such freaks that I wasn't allowed to give birth naturally and now I cant feed her either! WTF?! Babies aren't numbers. Everyone is different. Loads of people give birth to babies bigger than Mad naturally. And loads breastfeed exclusively for months longer than I have. Its very hard for me to not be depressed about it. Very depressed...

But the solid foods are fun at least. I tried rice cereal first. She hates it. I tried mixing it with breast milk, formula AND water. Each way was quickly spat out! So I tried peas. Icky Mum!! Then sweet potatoes. Hold on folks, we found a winner! She adores them! She also likes carrots, apples, bananas, and prunes. She didn't like pears for the first two weeks, but I tried them again last night and she found them tolerable enough to eat a whole jar. She also tried instant potatoes last night. We were having them for dinner and shes a huge beggar now so I let her try them. The plain ones were kind of icky, she said, but the ones with gravy, mm mm mm!

She has definitely gained some weight. Her legs look different and her face is fatter. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but the Dr will be happy and wont call DHS on us. Why do they think every baby should be a fat little Michelin Man Clone? Doesn't seem healthy to me (and isn't from everything Ive been reading! America is so behind...).

In other news some creature has come and murdered 3 of my hens. First it came and killed Perleand Thing Two (I discovered poor Banya
in the coops yard all alone after spending the whole day witht heir bodies. He was so afraid he let me scoop him up with no fight at all), then the next night came and killed my marvelous Danger
. I was so pissed that I told Bruce to shoot what ever it was if he found it. But then I came to my senses and changed my mind. I love my birds dearly, but what ever animal came and killed them didn't know that. From my research Ive come to believe its a raccoon. It left the bodies where it killed them and only removed the heads and mangled the breasts a bit. Horrible. But I guess thats like a calling card of raccoons. So now all my poor birds (5 roos and only 4 hens left, one of which doesn't lay and the other bum eats her eggs, so we only get two eggs a day if were lucky. not that it really matters to me) are locked up in their winter coop. Miserable and confined! But safe at least. I'm going to fix up something else soon. With lots of live wire around the outside to fry anyone who tried to get in!!!! Stupid animals.

But to end on a happy note, here are some new pictures of the sweet lady, Madelyn!



mmmm Carrots!
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What? Do I have something on my face?
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More please!!
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The two Madelyns (though not the most flattering pic of either, its still cute)
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Me and my Lady (I crocheted her little hat)
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Hahaha!! Granny! You're too funny!
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Sweet Jungle Lady asleep in the grass.
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Perfect little elven lady.
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Loads more pictures here if anyone is interested!

03/21/2008 Journaling in the Cold

Journaling in the Cold

Journal Entry: Fri Mar 21, 2008, 11:14 AM

• Mood: Winter Downs
• Listening to: Rain from EQ2
• Reading: Hitchcock Mystery Magazine
• Watching: Shallow Grave
• Playing: EQ2
• Eating: nothing
• Drinking: Pumpkin Coffee

Gads its cold!!! Barely 65 in here right now and theres a terrible breeze coming in the windows

But really, I do mean to journal more. I really do. But lately Ive been rather depressed and not feeling like I can enjoy much of anything. Things here are the same, if not worse, than they ever were. Mom and Bruce are still treating us like were horrible parents. We don't hold her right, bathe her right, I don't nurse Mad correctly and her wild hair drives my mom nuts. I cant understand them. Sure, some advice is a good thing, but I'm not getting that, I'm getting criticism. Alot of it.

The other day Shane took Mad down stairs to give me a break so I could nap a little longer. She was being fussy so he was walking around with her and had her up on his shoulder, sort of hanging over it (which she likes), and her head brushed against this little wooden sled we have hanging on the wall. The sled weighs maybe a pound, its a decorative thing Shane's mom painted. I doesn't take much to move it (we bump in to it all the time because its hanging on the door jam and sticks out a little in to the doorway). But Bruce acted like Shane smashed her head against the wall or something. Mad didn't even notice anything had happened! When he came back upstairs he told me about it and warned me that my mom would be crabbing at me about it. And, sure enough, the next morning when I saw her, she did! I was telling her how Mad had a tough night and how I think shes teething already. Mom seemed to think this was stupid and told me she was probably having headaches from getting her head hit. !!!! OMG! I was incredulous! I told her this is a huuuge reason why I hate coming down stairs for visits with Mad. All we get are them moaning about how we do everything wrong. ITs not a nice time for us. I have to sit there while stinky old Bruce holds my precious baby and coos over her and says the most annoying and inane things to her. AND I have to hear them b***h about what a terrible mum I am and how Shane is abusing Mad! Yea, ok Ma, Ill be right down.

And on top of that, I have a tooth ache. Yippy. Why do teeth have nerves? Whats the point? I have two that are nerveless and they're still quite sensitive. Whats the point? The two teeth that are nerveless are root canal teeth and were done like 10 years ago. I was supposed to have them capped but for some reason my mother never took me back to get that part done. So, of course, after a few years they broke! And the teeth on either side have cavities now from there being spaces between them that shouldn't have been there. One of those *live* teeth is broken in half, though it doesn't hurt unless I bite on it, but another has a tiny cavity between the teeth and its aching me like a binch. I would soo like to go to the dentist and get them all fixed up, but its nearly impossible to find anyone who takes Medicaid. How does the government expect people to be healthy when they don't make doctors and dentists accept their programs? It should be mandatory so we can choose ones we like and trust. Not be forced to go see scary, backwoods dentists who don't know what they're doing.

But other than those things, we are good. Mad is growing much much too fast. She is giggling and cooing and squealing all the time now. Its so cute I could cry! And shes a pro at holding her head up, still a little wobbly, but she can hold it up for as long as I hold her upright. Her belly time is improving, too. Her head is up but shes still got some work to do on the push ups. She can easily support all her weight on her legs now and she loooves it! Shed stand up all day if I could hold her that way! We have nearly perfected the laying down and nursing technique. Which I find very helpful, she can nurse and I can sleep! This last night she wanted to sleep that way, too. Every time I tried to lay her in her little bed beside me she would scream. So Id pick her up again and snuggle her into my side and *bop* shed pass right out. It was adorable but I was dying to lay on my side for a bit. Oh well Right now I have her stuffed in my robe, sort of sling like. Its a lot easier to type with her like this than how I normally hold her at the pc. Which is why I decided to journal today.

Here are some new pics of dear sweet amazing Mad -

Little Giggling Lady -

Oh Mama, Yoo sooo funny!

Elven babe

Oooh! Im SO ANGRY!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

5th bath ever!

Sleepy in her green hoodie

Heeheehee!
Pretty Lady

02/11/2008 She's Here!

She's Here!

Journal Entry: Mon Feb 11, 2008, 3:17 AM

• Mood: Love
• Listening to: A Humming Fan
• Reading: nothing
• Watching: The Gift
• Playing: EQ2
• Eating: nothing
• Drinking: water

Mad arrived on the 16th of January!! She was 9 pounds 5 ounces and 21 and a half inches

Theres tons to tell, but seeing as shes in my arms and its dang hard to type with one hand....Ill just post some pics fer now
She was quite puffy on her first day.

Oh so sleepy!

Swedish Fish!

Very happy Daddy

Shes awake!!

Does she look cozy or what?

1/08/2007 Snow, Boots, Pain and Another.

Snow, Boots, Pain and Another.

Journal Entry: Tue Jan 8, 2008, 1:15 PM

• Mood: Tired
• Listening to: Twiztid - Mostateless
• Reading: nothing
• Watching: Mr Bean's Holiday
• Playing: EQ2
• Eating: nothing
• Drinking: Coffee

Brady, this time.

One of the family cats (not mine, but sort of belongs to us all), Brady, died a couple days ago. He was very old, something like 19 and not doing well at all. It wasnt a surprise, but its still sad. He was a lovely boy. So how many is that? In the last 6 months or so 4 of my cats have died, 2 of the family cats passed away, one family cat ran away, one of my hens died, my robin was killed, my bun died and my Mike is gone. What the hell?

But Im trying very hard to not think about that too much. I will go crazy if I do. So Im doing alot of crap now to distract myself. Like well, not much really, but its enough to keep my mind from lingering on the hurt, too much.

We got a foot of snow recently. It was so beautiful when I woke up, it lured me outside. I hadnt been out in a while so it was especially nice! I got some good pictures and it was wickedly nice to see the animals. Douk enjoyed it alot, too. He loves snow While getting ready to go outside, I hauled out my boots and tried to put them on. My belly is huuuge now (50 inches around and, uh, I'm only 64 inches tall *weeps*) so its pretty hard to reach my feet. I struggled for a minute or two to get the boot in position so I could get my foot in it. But, alas, it was in vain! My foot was too swollen to fit! (You see, my feet, hands and face have started swelling. Its just the most beautiful stuff you ever saw.) So I thought about what I was going to wear on my big feet. The snow was deep so sneaks were out. I spotted Shane's rubber boots and thought, maybe theyll fit! I struggled with them fer a min and was able to get them on, though the calf was almost too tight. But they were ok in the foot part. Yay!

So out I went. Gads, you should have seen me! In knee high, black rubber boots, my Egyptian man dress (which goes almost to my feet) and my big orange coat. I was very stylish! But I didnt care, I was outside! And the snow was gorgeous. But very hard to walk in. Especially since my hip/belly pain make it terrifically hard to lift my feet up more than a couple inches. The sheep were calling to me and once Loki got wind of someone coming out she started to holler, too. So I pushed on thru the snow. It was fun Even the chickens seemed sort of happy to see me. Or at least see someone. I threw Loki and the sheep some hay, took some pics and came back inside.

I sat in a kitchen chair and looked at my feet. I wondered how in the heck I was going got get these rubber things off. There was no way I could lift my foot up and pull them off with my hands. I thought about going upstairs and waking Shane to help me, but I really didnt want to bother him. I tried using the toe of one foot on the heel of the other to try and get one off, but since they were a little small around the calf they suctioned to my leg. Ack! How the hell was I going to get them off?? The suctioning made them stick more so I would need to push harder with my toe which made my belly hurt. But I didnt see any other way but to just grit my teeth and shove. So I did that. Owowowowow! Stupid boots! I shall not be wearing them again...

I felt great despite the boot struggle. It was really nice to be outside. I havent been going out really at all, unless I have to, since it hurts so much to move. But the *felt great* didnt last long. I soon started to get sore, but not terribly so. It didnt get bad until the next day. Oh my dear, I could barely move! My hips were giant balls of pain. I could barely lift my legs to get out of bed, never mind walk. And my belly/groin muscles were screaming at me. It was like I had run in an Iron Man competition, not taken a slow mosey out to the barn and back. So I rested.

And rested and rested and its been a couple weeks and Im still really sore. Its like my muscles are giving up. Theyve stretched and stretched and now theyre throwing in the towel. My lower abdomen is a big bruise. The muscles there are soooo sore! Plus Ive got some pretty stretch marks that are sore, too. And the muscles that run from the inside of my thighs to my groin feel like, well, when I try to use them for anything, it feels like theyre tearing. Its so nice! Never in my life did I realize how much one uses ones stomach and groin muscles. You use them for everything! Sitting up, lifting a leg, rolling over in bed, moving a leg even an inch uses them, sneezing, coughing, standing, walking, the list is endless. Sometimes I cant move my legs, like when I try to sit up and get out of bed. So I have to use my arms to lift my legs over the edge of the bed. Oh the joy!

Ive also got this great pain right under my ribs, on the right side. Its been there for months but now its soo much worse. If I move the *right* way it feels like someones sticking me with a hot poker. Its a terrible burning, tearing feeling. It aches all the time, but I only get that horrible bad feeling when I move certain ways. Like turning over in bed.

Speaking of bed, Im not sleeping! Well, I am a little, but not enough. I can only get like 30 minutes at a time, sometimes less, until I get a pain somewhere and it wakes me up. And changing position to relieve the pain is near impossible. It takes me a good 5 minutes to roll over sometimes! Ive truly felt like I was trapped in bed, like there was no way I was going to be able to sit up or anything with out Shanes help. But ive gotten good at just sucking it up and moving through the searing hot pain. Im not sure if thats good or not, but being trapped in bed is so bad I dont care!

But anyway, I should go do something else. If I sit here too long my feet swell incredible amounts. Till they look just like Cabbage Patch Kid feet. And thats just wrong. Plus it feels yucky. Not painful, really, just really yucky. And no one wants feet that look like this -
Normally I have fairly thin looking feet, with little bones on the top and ankles and everything. I swear! Yeck.... some things about being pregnant truly truly SUCK....

(Ive also started having very strong Braxton Hicks contractions. They're not true labor, but they can hurt! My belly goes all rigid, like a giant bowling ball and there incredible pressure everywhere mixed in with some back pain. Oh I cant wait till its real labor! Come on Mad, I'm ready to meet you!!)

10/16/2007 Some New Baby Stuffs

Some New Baby Stuffs

Journal Entry: Tue Oct 16, 2007, 11:42 AM

• Mood: Tired
• Listening to: a fan
• Reading: nuttin atm
• Watching: Ten Canoes
• Playing: Sims 2
• Eating: Nothing
• Drinking: water

And a bit o fiber

Again, its been ages since I posted. I dont know whats up with me, but its been really hard to make myself sit and write. Once I get going, I enjoy it, but dang, its so hard to sit here and DO it!

We're having a girl!! A wee girl... and her name is Madelyn. I adore my Granny (maternal) and her name is Madelyn and Shane and I love the name and love the nickname Mad, sooo, its perfect! Little Mad is growing like mad. Shes about 1 1/2 pounds now and 14 inches long! I feel like shes twice that big. My belly is enormous. Or at least it seems like it to me! Shes squashing everything. Its hard to breathe sometimes, depending on how Im sitting/laying and I cant eat much at a time. But its nothing bad. The awful part of it all is the hip pain that Im having. I swear, its some of the worst pain Ive ever felt in my life. It makes most movements incredibly painful. Even putting socks on is an ordeal. But its all good! Makes me stronger, gives me character. I know now that when Im old (or young!), if I have bad, chronic pain, I can take it. I can still do what I need to do, even if it hurst so much I cry.

Yesterday Shane and I went out and took some pictures. We both wish we could see what our mothers looked like while they were pregnant with us so we want to make sure Mad has plenty to pictures to see later. Heres a couple of my favorites -

Ive been doing a bit of spinning and knitting/crocheting. I bought some loverly sage green roving from Copperpot Woolies, spun it in to a worsted weight ad am knitting it in to some mittens for my mother. They were supposed to be done for her bday last month, but I got sick and was only able to get one done. So Im finishing up the second now (just got a thumb to do!). She seems to like them, at least she loves the color. Ill post a pic when Im all done.

As for spinning, Ive spun alot! Heres a pic of just some of the yarn Ive made -

Theres more than just these, but I got tired of taking pics of them all. On my wheel I have some misc roving ends from The Sheep Shed. Its a beautiful mix of caramel, dark chocolate and white. I think there is some mohair in it, but Im not sure. Its very pretty!

9/29/2007 Belly Bulge

Belly Bulge

Journal Entry: Sat Sep 29, 2007, 3:40 AM

• Mood: Tired
• Listening to: AC humming
• Reading: nuttin atm
• Watching: Ten Canoes
• Playing: Sims 2
• Eating: Nothing
• Drinking: Apple Juice

My belly is HUUUGE....

It really is. I see some women who are further along than me and they dont have half the belly I do. Its not that Ive gained weight (only 3 pounds so far) its just, well, I guess it just shows more on me or something. Im 23 weeks now, weee! She has eye lids, lips, a cute little nose and ears and is moving around alot. We went for an ultrasound recently, found out shes a she and got a few great pictures of her. Have a look at my favorites -






Baby!!

9/06/2007 More News

More News

Journal Entry: Thu Sep 6, 2007, 2:42 PM

• Mood: Tired
• Listening to: AC humming
• Reading: nuttin atm
• Watching: 9 Songs
• Playing: EVERQUEST 2!!!
• Eating: Nothing
• Drinking: Coffee and water

Boy, am I turning in to a Blueberry!

Lots of news since last I wrote anything here. Not all good either. 4 of my pets have died. Bimbou was doing terrible and my stepfather got sick of him stinking up the hall and shot him. Then my poor old Weem cat, who hadnt been feeling well for a while, passed away. One of my hens, Thing One, died. She had a mating wound on her side, I think that might be why she died). And just a few days ago my cat, Ink, died suddenly. I have no idea why.

so on the animal front, its been a bad few weeks. But on the baby one, its pretty good. We discovered yesterday that were having a girl! Were naming her Madelyn. We haven't picked a middle name yet. We got some pictures from the ultrasound, but the idiot lady who did it wouldn't let us take any movies. I hate this woman, she presses way too hard on your belly and treats you like your in imbecile. At one point she was measuring a bone and I asked what it was. *a bone* she said. Duh! Of course it is! But what one?? Gah! Its like she thinks your too stupid to understand the complex images of a baby. Her job is so beyond everyone us common people that she cant be bothered to try to explain anything to our tiny brains. I know what hand bones look like and what an ear is. But it would have been nice to know what she was measuring, specifically, and why! And how she could tell it was a girl.

Anyway, other than my incredibly painful hip pains, everything is good. Were going again tomorrow to see a dr for a checkup. Woopie. I cant wait.

I also had my 30th birthday on August 27th. It wasnt vey exciting, but my bf got me a wonderful present. He bought me a drum carder!! WEEEE!!! I used it immediately and I lubs eet!! I carded over a pound of some loverly Shetland wool I bought recently. Im spinning it now in to a worsted yarn. Then Im going ot knit it in to a bear for Madelyn. I found this knitted bear pattern on Etsy [link] its the cutest thing! Ive also ordered some pretty wool to card and spin. My drum carder is sooo cool