Mad Edith's Place: 03/21/2008 Journaling in the Cold

Journaling in the Cold

Journal Entry: Fri Mar 21, 2008, 11:14 AM

Mood: Winter Downs
Listening to: Rain from EQ2
Reading: Hitchcock Mystery Magazine
Watching: Shallow Grave
Playing: EQ2
Eating: nothing
Drinking: Pumpkin Coffee

Gads its cold!!! Barely 65 in here right now and theres a terrible breeze coming in the windows

But really, I do mean to journal more. I really do. But lately Ive been rather depressed and not feeling like I can enjoy much of anything. Things here are the same, if not worse, than they ever were. Mom and Bruce are still treating us like were horrible parents. We don't hold her right, bathe her right, I don't nurse Mad correctly and her wild hair drives my mom nuts. I cant understand them. Sure, some advice is a good thing, but I'm not getting that, I'm getting criticism. Alot of it.

The other day Shane took Mad down stairs to give me a break so I could nap a little longer. She was being fussy so he was walking around with her and had her up on his shoulder, sort of hanging over it (which she likes), and her head brushed against this little wooden sled we have hanging on the wall. The sled weighs maybe a pound, its a decorative thing Shane's mom painted. I doesn't take much to move it (we bump in to it all the time because its hanging on the door jam and sticks out a little in to the doorway). But Bruce acted like Shane smashed her head against the wall or something. Mad didn't even notice anything had happened! When he came back upstairs he told me about it and warned me that my mom would be crabbing at me about it. And, sure enough, the next morning when I saw her, she did! I was telling her how Mad had a tough night and how I think shes teething already. Mom seemed to think this was stupid and told me she was probably having headaches from getting her head hit. !!!! OMG! I was incredulous! I told her this is a huuuge reason why I hate coming down stairs for visits with Mad. All we get are them moaning about how we do everything wrong. ITs not a nice time for us. I have to sit there while stinky old Bruce holds my precious baby and coos over her and says the most annoying and inane things to her. AND I have to hear them b***h about what a terrible mum I am and how Shane is abusing Mad! Yea, ok Ma, Ill be right down.

And on top of that, I have a tooth ache. Yippy. Why do teeth have nerves? Whats the point? I have two that are nerveless and they're still quite sensitive. Whats the point? The two teeth that are nerveless are root canal teeth and were done like 10 years ago. I was supposed to have them capped but for some reason my mother never took me back to get that part done. So, of course, after a few years they broke! And the teeth on either side have cavities now from there being spaces between them that shouldn't have been there. One of those *live* teeth is broken in half, though it doesn't hurt unless I bite on it, but another has a tiny cavity between the teeth and its aching me like a binch. I would soo like to go to the dentist and get them all fixed up, but its nearly impossible to find anyone who takes Medicaid. How does the government expect people to be healthy when they don't make doctors and dentists accept their programs? It should be mandatory so we can choose ones we like and trust. Not be forced to go see scary, backwoods dentists who don't know what they're doing.

But other than those things, we are good. Mad is growing much much too fast. She is giggling and cooing and squealing all the time now. Its so cute I could cry! And shes a pro at holding her head up, still a little wobbly, but she can hold it up for as long as I hold her upright. Her belly time is improving, too. Her head is up but shes still got some work to do on the push ups. She can easily support all her weight on her legs now and she loooves it! Shed stand up all day if I could hold her that way! We have nearly perfected the laying down and nursing technique. Which I find very helpful, she can nurse and I can sleep! This last night she wanted to sleep that way, too. Every time I tried to lay her in her little bed beside me she would scream. So Id pick her up again and snuggle her into my side and *bop* shed pass right out. It was adorable but I was dying to lay on my side for a bit. Oh well

Right now I have her stuffed in my robe, sort of sling like. Its a lot easier to type with her like this than how I normally hold her at the pc. Which is why I decided to journal today.

Here are some new pics of dear sweet amazing Mad -

Little Giggling Lady -