1/08/2007 Snow, Boots, Pain and Another.

Snow, Boots, Pain and Another.

Journal Entry: Tue Jan 8, 2008, 1:15 PM

• Mood: Tired
• Listening to: Twiztid - Mostateless
• Reading: nothing
• Watching: Mr Bean's Holiday
• Playing: EQ2
• Eating: nothing
• Drinking: Coffee

Brady, this time.

One of the family cats (not mine, but sort of belongs to us all), Brady, died a couple days ago. He was very old, something like 19 and not doing well at all. It wasnt a surprise, but its still sad. He was a lovely boy. So how many is that? In the last 6 months or so 4 of my cats have died, 2 of the family cats passed away, one family cat ran away, one of my hens died, my robin was killed, my bun died and my Mike is gone. What the hell?

But Im trying very hard to not think about that too much. I will go crazy if I do. So Im doing alot of crap now to distract myself. Like well, not much really, but its enough to keep my mind from lingering on the hurt, too much.

We got a foot of snow recently. It was so beautiful when I woke up, it lured me outside. I hadnt been out in a while so it was especially nice! I got some good pictures and it was wickedly nice to see the animals. Douk enjoyed it alot, too. He loves snow While getting ready to go outside, I hauled out my boots and tried to put them on. My belly is huuuge now (50 inches around and, uh, I'm only 64 inches tall *weeps*) so its pretty hard to reach my feet. I struggled for a minute or two to get the boot in position so I could get my foot in it. But, alas, it was in vain! My foot was too swollen to fit! (You see, my feet, hands and face have started swelling. Its just the most beautiful stuff you ever saw.) So I thought about what I was going to wear on my big feet. The snow was deep so sneaks were out. I spotted Shane's rubber boots and thought, maybe theyll fit! I struggled with them fer a min and was able to get them on, though the calf was almost too tight. But they were ok in the foot part. Yay!

So out I went. Gads, you should have seen me! In knee high, black rubber boots, my Egyptian man dress (which goes almost to my feet) and my big orange coat. I was very stylish! But I didnt care, I was outside! And the snow was gorgeous. But very hard to walk in. Especially since my hip/belly pain make it terrifically hard to lift my feet up more than a couple inches. The sheep were calling to me and once Loki got wind of someone coming out she started to holler, too. So I pushed on thru the snow. It was fun Even the chickens seemed sort of happy to see me. Or at least see someone. I threw Loki and the sheep some hay, took some pics and came back inside.

I sat in a kitchen chair and looked at my feet. I wondered how in the heck I was going got get these rubber things off. There was no way I could lift my foot up and pull them off with my hands. I thought about going upstairs and waking Shane to help me, but I really didnt want to bother him. I tried using the toe of one foot on the heel of the other to try and get one off, but since they were a little small around the calf they suctioned to my leg. Ack! How the hell was I going to get them off?? The suctioning made them stick more so I would need to push harder with my toe which made my belly hurt. But I didnt see any other way but to just grit my teeth and shove. So I did that. Owowowowow! Stupid boots! I shall not be wearing them again...

I felt great despite the boot struggle. It was really nice to be outside. I havent been going out really at all, unless I have to, since it hurts so much to move. But the *felt great* didnt last long. I soon started to get sore, but not terribly so. It didnt get bad until the next day. Oh my dear, I could barely move! My hips were giant balls of pain. I could barely lift my legs to get out of bed, never mind walk. And my belly/groin muscles were screaming at me. It was like I had run in an Iron Man competition, not taken a slow mosey out to the barn and back. So I rested.

And rested and rested and its been a couple weeks and Im still really sore. Its like my muscles are giving up. Theyve stretched and stretched and now theyre throwing in the towel. My lower abdomen is a big bruise. The muscles there are soooo sore! Plus Ive got some pretty stretch marks that are sore, too. And the muscles that run from the inside of my thighs to my groin feel like, well, when I try to use them for anything, it feels like theyre tearing. Its so nice! Never in my life did I realize how much one uses ones stomach and groin muscles. You use them for everything! Sitting up, lifting a leg, rolling over in bed, moving a leg even an inch uses them, sneezing, coughing, standing, walking, the list is endless. Sometimes I cant move my legs, like when I try to sit up and get out of bed. So I have to use my arms to lift my legs over the edge of the bed. Oh the joy!

Ive also got this great pain right under my ribs, on the right side. Its been there for months but now its soo much worse. If I move the *right* way it feels like someones sticking me with a hot poker. Its a terrible burning, tearing feeling. It aches all the time, but I only get that horrible bad feeling when I move certain ways. Like turning over in bed.

Speaking of bed, Im not sleeping! Well, I am a little, but not enough. I can only get like 30 minutes at a time, sometimes less, until I get a pain somewhere and it wakes me up. And changing position to relieve the pain is near impossible. It takes me a good 5 minutes to roll over sometimes! Ive truly felt like I was trapped in bed, like there was no way I was going to be able to sit up or anything with out Shanes help. But ive gotten good at just sucking it up and moving through the searing hot pain. Im not sure if thats good or not, but being trapped in bed is so bad I dont care!

But anyway, I should go do something else. If I sit here too long my feet swell incredible amounts. Till they look just like Cabbage Patch Kid feet. And thats just wrong. Plus it feels yucky. Not painful, really, just really yucky. And no one wants feet that look like this -
Normally I have fairly thin looking feet, with little bones on the top and ankles and everything. I swear! Yeck.... some things about being pregnant truly truly SUCK....

(Ive also started having very strong Braxton Hicks contractions. They're not true labor, but they can hurt! My belly goes all rigid, like a giant bowling ball and there incredible pressure everywhere mixed in with some back pain. Oh I cant wait till its real labor! Come on Mad, I'm ready to meet you!!)