Mad Updates

Mad Updates

Journal Entry: Thu Jun 19, 2008, 7:47 AM

• Mood: Hope
• Listening to: Stupid GTA San Andreas played by Shane
• Reading: Friday Night Knitting Club by Kate Jacobs
• Watching: Twin Peaks
• Playing: EQ2
• Eating: nothing
• Drinking: Coffee

Shes growing up

Mad went for her second round of shots recently and though she took the shots much better this time (last time she was inconsolable after. But this time her fever got to 102), her Dr said she was underweight. Or rather, she wasn't gaining at the same rate she had been. Mad has only gained 10 ounces in the last 2 months making her 11lbs, 5 oz (i might add here that Shane and I are short, little people. How can you expect average-above average sized babies from folks who are below average in size??) and though the Dr wasn't too alarmed by that she instructed us to supplement her breast feeding with formula. Which I'm NOT happy about! She didn't talk about ways to improve my milk supply or anything. I already know how to do that, but still. I didn't like that she went straight to formula. When we got to the car Shane wanted to go right to the store and buy formula. I wanted to get my milk up and increase feedings and skip the formula, but after some words, we went and got formula. And some solids. I'm ok with feeding her some solids, but this formula crap sucks!

It took a few days of trying to get Mad to eat formula. She was not impressed. Cant say I blame her, stuff tastes like shit! Smells even worse. Uhg. BUT...Shane has bought me a new breast pump to try (which I hope will be here very soon!) so I can get my supply up and faze out the formula. Mad is still breastfeeding regularly, but I'm producing less milk than I was as shes also eating around 8 ounces of formula and 5 ounces of food a day.

Ive taken to thinking of the formula as medicine. The first week of feeding her that crap I cried through out every day. Giving it to her feels so wrong! And makes me feel broken. The doctors are such freaks that I wasn't allowed to give birth naturally and now I cant feed her either! WTF?! Babies aren't numbers. Everyone is different. Loads of people give birth to babies bigger than Mad naturally. And loads breastfeed exclusively for months longer than I have. Its very hard for me to not be depressed about it. Very depressed...

But the solid foods are fun at least. I tried rice cereal first. She hates it. I tried mixing it with breast milk, formula AND water. Each way was quickly spat out! So I tried peas. Icky Mum!! Then sweet potatoes. Hold on folks, we found a winner! She adores them! She also likes carrots, apples, bananas, and prunes. She didn't like pears for the first two weeks, but I tried them again last night and she found them tolerable enough to eat a whole jar. She also tried instant potatoes last night. We were having them for dinner and shes a huge beggar now so I let her try them. The plain ones were kind of icky, she said, but the ones with gravy, mm mm mm!

She has definitely gained some weight. Her legs look different and her face is fatter. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but the Dr will be happy and wont call DHS on us. Why do they think every baby should be a fat little Michelin Man Clone? Doesn't seem healthy to me (and isn't from everything Ive been reading! America is so behind...).

In other news some creature has come and murdered 3 of my hens. First it came and killed Perleand Thing Two (I discovered poor Banya
in the coops yard all alone after spending the whole day witht heir bodies. He was so afraid he let me scoop him up with no fight at all), then the next night came and killed my marvelous Danger
. I was so pissed that I told Bruce to shoot what ever it was if he found it. But then I came to my senses and changed my mind. I love my birds dearly, but what ever animal came and killed them didn't know that. From my research Ive come to believe its a raccoon. It left the bodies where it killed them and only removed the heads and mangled the breasts a bit. Horrible. But I guess thats like a calling card of raccoons. So now all my poor birds (5 roos and only 4 hens left, one of which doesn't lay and the other bum eats her eggs, so we only get two eggs a day if were lucky. not that it really matters to me) are locked up in their winter coop. Miserable and confined! But safe at least. I'm going to fix up something else soon. With lots of live wire around the outside to fry anyone who tried to get in!!!! Stupid animals.

But to end on a happy note, here are some new pictures of the sweet lady, Madelyn!



mmmm Carrots!
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What? Do I have something on my face?
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More please!!
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The two Madelyns (though not the most flattering pic of either, its still cute)
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Me and my Lady (I crocheted her little hat)
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Hahaha!! Granny! You're too funny!
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Sweet Jungle Lady asleep in the grass.
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Perfect little elven lady.
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Loads more pictures here if anyone is interested!

1/08/2007 Snow, Boots, Pain and Another.

Snow, Boots, Pain and Another.

Journal Entry: Tue Jan 8, 2008, 1:15 PM

• Mood: Tired
• Listening to: Twiztid - Mostateless
• Reading: nothing
• Watching: Mr Bean's Holiday
• Playing: EQ2
• Eating: nothing
• Drinking: Coffee

Brady, this time.

One of the family cats (not mine, but sort of belongs to us all), Brady, died a couple days ago. He was very old, something like 19 and not doing well at all. It wasnt a surprise, but its still sad. He was a lovely boy. So how many is that? In the last 6 months or so 4 of my cats have died, 2 of the family cats passed away, one family cat ran away, one of my hens died, my robin was killed, my bun died and my Mike is gone. What the hell?

But Im trying very hard to not think about that too much. I will go crazy if I do. So Im doing alot of crap now to distract myself. Like well, not much really, but its enough to keep my mind from lingering on the hurt, too much.

We got a foot of snow recently. It was so beautiful when I woke up, it lured me outside. I hadnt been out in a while so it was especially nice! I got some good pictures and it was wickedly nice to see the animals. Douk enjoyed it alot, too. He loves snow While getting ready to go outside, I hauled out my boots and tried to put them on. My belly is huuuge now (50 inches around and, uh, I'm only 64 inches tall *weeps*) so its pretty hard to reach my feet. I struggled for a minute or two to get the boot in position so I could get my foot in it. But, alas, it was in vain! My foot was too swollen to fit! (You see, my feet, hands and face have started swelling. Its just the most beautiful stuff you ever saw.) So I thought about what I was going to wear on my big feet. The snow was deep so sneaks were out. I spotted Shane's rubber boots and thought, maybe theyll fit! I struggled with them fer a min and was able to get them on, though the calf was almost too tight. But they were ok in the foot part. Yay!

So out I went. Gads, you should have seen me! In knee high, black rubber boots, my Egyptian man dress (which goes almost to my feet) and my big orange coat. I was very stylish! But I didnt care, I was outside! And the snow was gorgeous. But very hard to walk in. Especially since my hip/belly pain make it terrifically hard to lift my feet up more than a couple inches. The sheep were calling to me and once Loki got wind of someone coming out she started to holler, too. So I pushed on thru the snow. It was fun Even the chickens seemed sort of happy to see me. Or at least see someone. I threw Loki and the sheep some hay, took some pics and came back inside.

I sat in a kitchen chair and looked at my feet. I wondered how in the heck I was going got get these rubber things off. There was no way I could lift my foot up and pull them off with my hands. I thought about going upstairs and waking Shane to help me, but I really didnt want to bother him. I tried using the toe of one foot on the heel of the other to try and get one off, but since they were a little small around the calf they suctioned to my leg. Ack! How the hell was I going to get them off?? The suctioning made them stick more so I would need to push harder with my toe which made my belly hurt. But I didnt see any other way but to just grit my teeth and shove. So I did that. Owowowowow! Stupid boots! I shall not be wearing them again...

I felt great despite the boot struggle. It was really nice to be outside. I havent been going out really at all, unless I have to, since it hurts so much to move. But the *felt great* didnt last long. I soon started to get sore, but not terribly so. It didnt get bad until the next day. Oh my dear, I could barely move! My hips were giant balls of pain. I could barely lift my legs to get out of bed, never mind walk. And my belly/groin muscles were screaming at me. It was like I had run in an Iron Man competition, not taken a slow mosey out to the barn and back. So I rested.

And rested and rested and its been a couple weeks and Im still really sore. Its like my muscles are giving up. Theyve stretched and stretched and now theyre throwing in the towel. My lower abdomen is a big bruise. The muscles there are soooo sore! Plus Ive got some pretty stretch marks that are sore, too. And the muscles that run from the inside of my thighs to my groin feel like, well, when I try to use them for anything, it feels like theyre tearing. Its so nice! Never in my life did I realize how much one uses ones stomach and groin muscles. You use them for everything! Sitting up, lifting a leg, rolling over in bed, moving a leg even an inch uses them, sneezing, coughing, standing, walking, the list is endless. Sometimes I cant move my legs, like when I try to sit up and get out of bed. So I have to use my arms to lift my legs over the edge of the bed. Oh the joy!

Ive also got this great pain right under my ribs, on the right side. Its been there for months but now its soo much worse. If I move the *right* way it feels like someones sticking me with a hot poker. Its a terrible burning, tearing feeling. It aches all the time, but I only get that horrible bad feeling when I move certain ways. Like turning over in bed.

Speaking of bed, Im not sleeping! Well, I am a little, but not enough. I can only get like 30 minutes at a time, sometimes less, until I get a pain somewhere and it wakes me up. And changing position to relieve the pain is near impossible. It takes me a good 5 minutes to roll over sometimes! Ive truly felt like I was trapped in bed, like there was no way I was going to be able to sit up or anything with out Shanes help. But ive gotten good at just sucking it up and moving through the searing hot pain. Im not sure if thats good or not, but being trapped in bed is so bad I dont care!

But anyway, I should go do something else. If I sit here too long my feet swell incredible amounts. Till they look just like Cabbage Patch Kid feet. And thats just wrong. Plus it feels yucky. Not painful, really, just really yucky. And no one wants feet that look like this -
Normally I have fairly thin looking feet, with little bones on the top and ankles and everything. I swear! Yeck.... some things about being pregnant truly truly SUCK....

(Ive also started having very strong Braxton Hicks contractions. They're not true labor, but they can hurt! My belly goes all rigid, like a giant bowling ball and there incredible pressure everywhere mixed in with some back pain. Oh I cant wait till its real labor! Come on Mad, I'm ready to meet you!!)

9/06/2007 More News

More News

Journal Entry: Thu Sep 6, 2007, 2:42 PM

• Mood: Tired
• Listening to: AC humming
• Reading: nuttin atm
• Watching: 9 Songs
• Playing: EVERQUEST 2!!!
• Eating: Nothing
• Drinking: Coffee and water

Boy, am I turning in to a Blueberry!

Lots of news since last I wrote anything here. Not all good either. 4 of my pets have died. Bimbou was doing terrible and my stepfather got sick of him stinking up the hall and shot him. Then my poor old Weem cat, who hadnt been feeling well for a while, passed away. One of my hens, Thing One, died. She had a mating wound on her side, I think that might be why she died). And just a few days ago my cat, Ink, died suddenly. I have no idea why.

so on the animal front, its been a bad few weeks. But on the baby one, its pretty good. We discovered yesterday that were having a girl! Were naming her Madelyn. We haven't picked a middle name yet. We got some pictures from the ultrasound, but the idiot lady who did it wouldn't let us take any movies. I hate this woman, she presses way too hard on your belly and treats you like your in imbecile. At one point she was measuring a bone and I asked what it was. *a bone* she said. Duh! Of course it is! But what one?? Gah! Its like she thinks your too stupid to understand the complex images of a baby. Her job is so beyond everyone us common people that she cant be bothered to try to explain anything to our tiny brains. I know what hand bones look like and what an ear is. But it would have been nice to know what she was measuring, specifically, and why! And how she could tell it was a girl.

Anyway, other than my incredibly painful hip pains, everything is good. Were going again tomorrow to see a dr for a checkup. Woopie. I cant wait.

I also had my 30th birthday on August 27th. It wasnt vey exciting, but my bf got me a wonderful present. He bought me a drum carder!! WEEEE!!! I used it immediately and I lubs eet!! I carded over a pound of some loverly Shetland wool I bought recently. Im spinning it now in to a worsted yarn. Then Im going ot knit it in to a bear for Madelyn. I found this knitted bear pattern on Etsy [link] its the cutest thing! Ive also ordered some pretty wool to card and spin. My drum carder is sooo cool